June 2010
“Today dad made chicken. When he was cutting a piece for me he said “Here, I know...”
– It Made My Day - Funny Win Stories (via zyxst)
Pssst - here's a secret:
“Every woman in the world has gone through what you’re going through. You think you’re not attractive, or that there’s something wrong with your body, but let me tell you something. There are thousands of men who would be excited half to death if they could see you.”
via Lubrican (nsfw)
What's the difference between a painting of Jesus...
zyxst:
vovat:
goteamheather:
fuckyeahjewishkid:
You only need one nail to hang the painting of Jesus.
ZOMG; let’s declare a holy war on these sacrilegious blasphemers! lol
Reminds me of the classic:
Murphy has own nail making business, and he wants it to be the best in the world. So he goes to a top advertising agency to have them create a marketing strategy. The agency...
When babies are born, the first thing they do is...
zyxst:
notrichsopretty:
ijustwannabefree-:
Why?
they’re probably hungry, and need to obtain oxygen. fetal circulation only works before birth. hurrdurr
I cry when some stranger yanks me outta my warm bed.
Actually, the delivering obstetrician/nurse spanks them to get them to cry, after clearing out the mucus plugs. Starts their respirations up, and also ensures that they CAN breathe...
Highlights from 'Texts From Last Night'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found…
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you’re trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
...
If there was a Tumblr potluck, What would you...
zyxst:
eclecticbanana:
seltzerlizard:
newfilosofee:
I’m bringing falafels, duh.
Pancakes, vegan style.
Very odd and eclectic bananas of course.
An empty plate
BACON.
